Merge remote-tracking branch 'origin/master'

22 files changed, 921 insertions, 2565 deletions

diff --git a/plugins/archlinux/archlinux.plugin.zsh b/plugins/archlinux/archlinux.plugin.zsh
index 2d0c51b3d..4d39bd86b 100644
--- a/plugins/archlinux/archlinux.plugin.zsh
+++ b/plugins/archlinux/archlinux.plugin.zsh
@@ -212,8 +212,8 @@ if (( $+commands[xdg-open] )); then
     if [[ -z "$infos" ]]; then
       return
     fi
-    repo="$(grep '^Repo' <<< "$infos" | grep -oP '[^ ]+$')"
-    arch="$(grep '^Arch' <<< "$infos" | grep -oP '[^ ]+$')"
+    repo="$(grep -m 1 '^Repo' <<< "$infos" | grep -oP '[^ ]+$')"
+    arch="$(grep -m 1 '^Arch' <<< "$infos" | grep -oP '[^ ]+$')"
     xdg-open "https://www.archlinux.org/packages/$repo/$arch/$pkg/" &>/dev/null
   }
 fi
diff --git a/plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris b/plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris
index 2a13b060f..1f4ca7a60 100644
--- a/plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris
+++ b/plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris
@@ -1,2544 +1,636 @@
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
-%
-Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+King Kong climbed the Empire State building in fear of Chuck Norris who was downstairs at the time.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+"2012" is code for, Chuck Norris when he is pissed.
 %
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+"The Big Chuck Norris Roundhouse-Kick Theory"
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+"The wind cries Chuck Norris"
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+"Walker Texas Ranger: The Movie 3-D" was considered by Warner Brothers; however the technology to create the visual effects will never be possible.
 %
 A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 %
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win in a top spinning tournament with a cube
-%
-Beware of dogs... Dogs, beware of Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris can dig a hole in air.
-%
-The apple falls far from the tree, when a roundhouse kick is taken to the trunk.
-%
-Chuck Norris - the new standard.
-%
-Chuck Norris told me to put this here.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't exhale. The air runs desperately scared out of his lungs.
-%
-Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
-%
-When Chuck Norris goes to rodeos, bulls ride him.
-%
-Chuck Norris once walked down a street with his fists in his pockets. He was then arrested for concealing two deadly weapons.
-%
-The meaning of life is Chuck Norris
-%
-Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
-%
-If God doesn't know, Chuck does
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
-%
-The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+Abraham Lincoln didn't die because he was shot, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked so fast his foot went back in time and killed Abraham Lincoln.
 %
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+Achievement Unlocked: Chuck Norris of Death
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+After Chuck counted to infinity the first time, he vowed to count to infinity a second time....by counting the bodies of those previously roundhoused.
 %
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
 %
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+An angry glare from Chuck Norris is known to kill on the spot.
 %
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+Behind every successful man is Chuck Norris
 %
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+Beware of dogs... Dogs, beware of Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+Bruce Lee didn't defeat Chuck Norris.  Chuck hit Bruce with a Delayed roundhouse kick that was so fast that Lee only felt the impact a year later!
 %
 CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
 %
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-When God said "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "Only for half the day
-%
-Chuck Norris went up the creek without a paddle... or a canoe
-%
-Chuck Norris once asked a man to turn down his music, he refused, that man's baby was born deaf.
-%
-Chuck Norris found the hay in the needle stack.
+Casinos pay Chuck Norris not to play at anything or wish anyone good luck.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't need to brush his teeth, his spit acts as a bleach.
+Chuck Norris - the new standard.
 %
-Chuck Norris once had a street named after him. But the name removed at once, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris, and lives
+Chuck Norris CAN balance the light-switch between ON and OFF.
 %
-The planes in 9/11 were not hijacked. Chuck Norris was just playing with his old radio controller.
+Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter
 %
-Machiavelli said it is better to be feared than loved because he was inspired by Chuck Norris.
+Chuck Norris CAN spell with an I before E even after C.
 %
 Chuck Norris Can Play the Theme from the Twilight Zone with His Beard
 %
-Chuck Norris pees Adamantium
-%
-The Beatles are on iTunes because Chuck Norris bought a Mac.
-%
-Chuck Norris once rounhouse kicked a football ...... it is now considered as a planet
-%
-Chuck Norris yells at Drill Sergeants
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+Chuck Norris Can Power Solar Panels. At Night.
 %
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+Chuck Norris Watches "the Nat.Geo. Specials" on Discovery Channel
 %
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+Chuck Norris bowled a 301 after constructing another pin out of his beard hair
 %
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+Chuck Norris burnt a fire proof vest, UNDERWATER!
 %
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+Chuck Norris can French kiss his elbow.
 %
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+Chuck Norris can bake in a Freezer.
 %
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+Chuck Norris can defuse bomb even if he cut the wrong wire
 %
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+Chuck Norris can dig a hole in air.
 %
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
 %
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+Chuck Norris can do a regime change with a roundhouse kick.
 %
-If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
+Chuck Norris can fit 10 gallons of water in a 5 gallon water bucket
 %
-If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
+Chuck Norris can grill a popsicle
 %
 Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.?
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+Chuck Norris can make his own megazord "The Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kickers Ultimate Super Awesome Megazord"
 %
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+Chuck Norris can milk an alligator
 %
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+Chuck Norris can play the death waltz with his chin.
 %
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick someone through a window without breaking the glass
 %
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick round houses into squares.
 %
-There is no such thing as being hard its called the Chuck Norris factor.
+Chuck Norris can rub two fires together and make a stick!
 %
-When Chuck Norris goes to the library, he looks for the guinness book of records in the comedy section.
+Chuck Norris can see in 3D with just one eye.
 %
 Chuck Norris can shoot a person 28 times with an unloaded gun.
 %
-Chuck Norris' personal airplane is called Air Force Chuck
-%
-The letters in Chuck Norris cannot be unscrambled.
-%
-Cops don't need a badges in their wallets but only a picture of Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris was the reason why the Great Wall of China was constructed. It failed miserably.
-%
-If you see a man in the street who looks like Chuck Norris, but isn't, run: you don't want to be caught in the resulting roundhouse kick to his face.
-%
-The red phone in the oval office...Rings directly to Chuck Norris Cell Phone
-%
-The only way sharks will come near CN underwater is when CN is inside of a cage.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses a real mouse to move the cursor, type on the keyboard, write e-mails, code entire websites, use photoshop, bring coffee.
-%
-If Chuck Norris were to get into a fight with another Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win.
-%
-"2012" is code for, Chuck Norris when he is pissed.
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
 Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
-%
-The only place where the Starship Enterprise refuses to boldly go is Chuck Norris' planet...which is all of them.
-%
-Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey........his name was KING KONG
-%
-Chuck Norris can make his own megazord "The Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kickers Ultimate Super Awesome Megazord"
-%
-Simon doesn't say...Chuck Norris says.
-%
-When does Chuck Norris run out of shotgun bullets?.....whenever he wants to.
-%
-The only sure things are Death and Taxes, and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
-%
-Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
+Chuck Norris can terminate a repeating decimal.
 %
 Chuck Norris can turn toast back into bread
 %
-Chuck Norris started Chuck Norris.
-%
-Ever wonder what really happened to the dinosaurs? They all dug their own graves when they heard Chuck Norris was coming
+Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
 %
-Chuck Norris killed Kemper
+Chuck Norris can win in a top spinning tournament with a cube
 %
-Did you here about the boy who cried Chuck Norris?
+Chuck Norris can't get fired by Donald Trump
 %
 Chuck Norris can't perform Hadoukens, he IS a Hadouken
 %
-Behind every successful man is Chuck Norris
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
 %
 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 %
-MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset
 %
 Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
 %
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+Chuck Norris does not have a cell phone because he hears everything
 %
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 %
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
 %
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you just answer the wrong phone.
 %
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
 %
 Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.  Do not try to square Chuck Norris.  The result is death
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read. He just stares at the book until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris got to it first.
-%
-When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
-%
-Chuck Norris can milk an alligator
-%
 Chuck Norris doesn't eat, he just sucks the energy out of food by staring at it
 %
-Chuck Norris once proved p^~p by induction on his beard hairs.
-%
-The reason why batman only comes out at night is because he's afraid he might encounter Chuck Norris in the Morning and afternoon.
-%
-Chuck Norris can bake in a Freezer.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing any broadway theater that plays "The Nutcracker". He claims its an infringement on his "other" roundhouse kick.
-%
-Chuck Norris once had a weak moment, just to know what it felt like.
-%
-Note to everyone: Please do not give beans to Chuck Norris or do you want another atombomb on hiroshima?
-%
-Chuck Norris has made a 148 break a snooker.
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+Chuck Norris doesn't exhale. The air runs desperately scared out of his lungs.
 %
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+Chuck Norris doesn't fight.  He gives motivational seminars to die on their own to avoid a roundhouse kick to the face.
 %
 Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
 %
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-http://chucknorrisfacts.com/ is built in Drupal because Chuck Norris knows a good CMS when he sees one.
-%
-The producers of the movie "The Last Airbender" are now in talks with Chuck Norris in Order to star him in their next sequal "The Last Skull Bender".
-%
-Some boots were made for walking. Some boots may walk all over you, but Chuck Norris' boot walk THROUGH you.
-%
-World War II began because Chuck Norris took a nap.  When he woke up, Hitler found out and killed himself out of fear Chuck Norris would kill him.
-%
-The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris let you live.
-%
-Only Chuck Norris can win the mind game, 'cause he never minds.
+Chuck Norris doesn't let it go.
 %
-Do you know why Chuck Norris didn't star in The Expandebles? Because all the others guys would have surrended at the beginning.
+Chuck Norris doesn't like Mudkipz
 %
-Bruce Lee didn't defeat Chuck Norris.  Chuck hit Bruce with a Delayed roundhouse kick that was so fast that Lee only felt the impact a year later!
+Chuck Norris doesn't look for fun. The fun looks for Chuck Norris.
 %
 Chuck Norris doesn't need a bulletproof vest to be bulletproof
 %
-When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
-%
-Merlin was Chuck Norris' assistant.
+Chuck Norris doesn't need a bulletproof vest. He catches them with his bare hands.
 %
-If you put in the correct cheat code in Halo 2, you can have Master Cheif play without his helmet; revealing to be Chuck Norris.
+Chuck Norris doesn't need air, he is air
 %
-Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
+Chuck Norris doesn't need sunglasses, the sun needs Chuck Norris glasses
 %
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+Chuck Norris doesn't need to brush his teeth, his spit acts as a bleach.
 %
 Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+Chuck Norris doesn't read. He just stares at the book until he gets the information he wants.
 %
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
 %
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+Chuck Norris doesn't brew up tea. He sucks the bag.
 %
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+Chuck Norris doesn't eat salad, he eats vegetarians
 %
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
 %
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
 %
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+Chuck Norris doesn't carry a list. He always knows what to do.
 %
 Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 %
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete.
-%
-The Matrix Trilogy would have ended on the first movie if Keanu Reeves said, “I know Chuck Norris.”
-%
-Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset
-%
-Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
-%
-When things go bump in the night.... it's Chuck Norris
+Chuck Norris drowned a man ON LAND.
 %
 Chuck Norris fed the Hunger Games
 %
-Chuck Norris played "Got your Nose" with Voldemort and won.
-%
-Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him............          the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't let it go.
-%
-You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
-%
-Whatever Chuck Norris wants, it will instantly appear.
-%
-Chuck Norris once cut a knife with a stick of butter.
-%
-Chuck Norris shops at Sam's Club, but leaves without having his receipt checked
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+Chuck Norris found the hay in the needle stack.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+Chuck Norris found the last digit of pie
 %
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him............          the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife
 %
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+Chuck Norris has a battle cruiser AND a car.
 %
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+Chuck Norris has killed the Dead Sea
 %
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+Chuck Norris has made a 148 break a snooker.
 %
 Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 %
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
 Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
 %
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-In 1945 The US army asked if they could clone Chuck Norris. instead he said he could sort out the Japanese.
-%
-One glance from Chuck Norris and snow turns itself yellow.
-%
-Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
-%
-Chuck Norris was the image used for Papa Smurf.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so scary he makes Sharks swim backwards away from him
-%
-When Chuck Norris tosses a coin, it lands on both head and tail.
-%
-Chuck Norris found the last digit of pie
-%
-Chuck Norris Watches "the Nat.Geo. Specials" on Discovery Channel
-%
-James Bond has a license to kill. He got it from Chuck Norris.
-%
 Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris
 %
-"The Big Chuck Norris Roundhouse-Kick Theory"
-%
-That's not an eclipse....that's the sun hiding from Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't like Mudkipz
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+Chuck Norris is allowed two carry-ons.
 %
 Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+Chuck Norris is currently suing any broadway theater that plays "The Nutcracker". He claims its an infringement on his "other" roundhouse kick.
 %
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+Chuck Norris is entitled to his own facts.
 %
 Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+Chuck Norris is overra...
 %
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 %
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+Chuck Norris is so hard, he uses diamonds as stress balls.
 %
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+Chuck Norris is so scary he makes Sharks swim backwards away from him
 %
 Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
 %
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+Chuck Norris is the ghost in paranormal activity.
 %
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+Chuck Norris is the life of parties he doesn't attend.
 %
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
 %
 Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 %
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t eat salad, he eats vegetarians
-%
-Every time there's an earthquake, you know Chuck Norris is hungry. The earthquake is caused by his stomach growling.
-%
-Chuck Norris wasn't born on his birthday
-%
-One time a test cheated on Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris won a stepdance contest by standing on his hands
-%
-Chuck Norris thretened to kill Michael Jackson, MJ got so scared to turned white.
-%
-When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the life of parties he dosen't attend
-%
-Chuck Norris can rub two fires together and make a stick!
-%
-Contrary to popular beleif, Rome WAS built in a day, by Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris rolled a 20 on a 6 sided die.
-%
-When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
-%
-Chuck Norris wins NASCAR races with all right turns.
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+Chuck Norris is the only one who can tear a facebook page!
 %
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+Chuck Norris is the reason that the world will end in 2012. He was getting bored with the Earth
 %
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+Chuck Norris is the reason tumbleweeds tumble
 %
 Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 %
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+Chuck Norris is waiting for Mt. St. Helens to erupt again. He's hoping the lava is hot enough to soften his beard so he can shave for the first time.
 %
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+Chuck Norris isn't allowed at the zoo because when he's there the animals are terriefied to come out their cages
 %
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+Chuck Norris isn't appropriate...appropriate isn't Chuck Norris
 %
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+Chuck Norris killed Kemper
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+Chuck Norris likes everyone on the earth, cause everyone he didn't like... Is dead...
 %
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+Chuck Norris made the big bang just by clicking his fingers
 %
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+Chuck Norris never trains, because he's Chuck Norris.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+Chuck Norris once asked a man to turn down his music, he refused, that man's baby was born deaf.
 %
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+Chuck Norris once cried just to see what it was like. The end result was the creation of life.
 %
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+Chuck Norris once cut a knife with a stick of butter.
 %
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+Chuck Norris once got a 200 yard punt return
 %
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey........his name was KING KONG
 %
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+Chuck Norris once had a street named after him. But the name removed at once, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris, and lives
 %
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+Chuck Norris once had a weak moment, just to know what it felt like.
 %
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+Chuck Norris once played Duck Duck Goose with a group of Kindergarteners. Only one kid made it to first grade
 %
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+Chuck Norris once proved p^~p by induction on his beard hairs.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+Chuck Norris once punched the ground to stop an earthquake. The resulting aftershock caused the BP oil spill
 %
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
 %
 Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 %
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+Chuck Norris once rounhouse kicked a football ...... it is now considered as a planet
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+Chuck Norris once taught a class of martial arts.Unfortunately Chuck had forgiven to take elephant tranquilizers and killed every one just by saluting
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+Chuck Norris once thought he was wrong. He was, however, mistaken.
 %
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+Chuck Norris once tried to teach a fat, stupid kid Martial Arts. Unsuccessfully. The kid grew up to be Steven Seagal.
 %
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+Chuck Norris once walked down a street with his fists in his pockets. He was then arrested for concealing two deadly weapons.
 %
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+Chuck Norris once won the tour de france riding a " big wheel"
 %
 Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 %
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-Chuck Norris is waiting for Mt. St. Helens to erupt again. He's hoping the lava is hot enough to soften his beard so he can shave for the first time.
-%
-Chuck Norris is overra...
-%
-Chuck Norris was originally in Mortal Kombat, but that version was deleted because no one can beat Chuck Norris in a fight.
-%
-Chuck Norris likes everyone on the earth, cause everyone he didn't like... Is dead...
-%
-Chunk Norris can make sour milk turn fresh
-%
-There is no limbo, only a world that doesn't know of Chuck Norris
-%
-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter
-%
-Dog the Bounty Hunter can't track Chuck Norris down.
-%
-Abraham Lincoln didn't die because he was shot, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked so fast his foot went back in time and killed Abraham Lincoln.
-%
-When Chuck Norris inhales helium, his voice doesn't change.
-%
-When Chuck Norris drinks water, the water automatically pasteurized.
-%
-Chuck Norris once punched the ground to stop an earthquake. The resulting aftershock caused the BP oil spill
-%
-Chuck Norris can play the death waltz with his chin.
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+Chuck Norris owns all number 1 pencils.
 %
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+Chuck Norris pees Adamantium
 %
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+Chuck Norris play's Texas hold em with Zeus, every second Wednesday of the month
 %
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+Chuck Norris played "Got your Nose" with Voldemort and won.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+Chuck Norris played the game of thrones and won
 %
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+Chuck Norris protects his body guards.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+Chuck Norris rolled a 20 on a 6 sided die.
 %
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+Chuck Norris sent a BBM to an iphone.
 %
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+Chuck Norris shops at Sam's Club, but leaves without having his receipt checked
 %
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+Chuck Norris shot a man with a knife
 %
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+Chuck Norris sleeps in Seattle.
 %
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+Chuck Norris splattered tiger blood and Adonis' dna on Charlie Sheen with 1 roundhouse kick!
 %
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+Chuck Norris started Chuck Norris.
 %
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+Chuck Norris starts his day with 6 live chickens two cows, three pigs and a boiling hot cup of pure fury
 %
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+Chuck Norris thretened to kill Michael Jackson, MJ got so scared to turned white.
 %
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+Chuck Norris told me to put this here.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+Chuck Norris uses a real mouse to move the cursor, type on the keyboard, write e-mails, code entire websites, use photoshop, bring coffee.
 %
 Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 %
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+Chuck Norris was heard in a soundproof room!
 %
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+Chuck Norris was once turned down for American Idol. When Simon was questioned about it, he replied "I'm retiring after this season". I wonder why?
 %
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+Chuck Norris was originally in Mortal Kombat, but that version was deleted because no one can beat Chuck Norris in a fight.
 %
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
+Chuck Norris was the image used for Papa Smurf.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
+Chuck Norris was the reason why the Great Wall of China was constructed. It failed miserably.
 %
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+Chuck Norris wasn't born on his birthday
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+Chuck Norris watched the first steps on the moon... From his summer home on Mars
 %
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+Chuck Norris went up the creek without a paddle... or a canoe
 %
 Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
 %
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+Chuck Norris wins NASCAR races with all right turns.
 %
-More of a question than a fact: in a fight between Chuck Norris and Gordan Freeman who would win?
+Chuck Norris won a stepdance contest by standing on his hands
 %
-Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
+Chuck Norris yells at Drill Sergeants
 %
-Chuck Norris can grill a popsicle
+Chuck Norris' dog pick up after him.
 %
 Chuck Norris' films are factual documentaries.
 %
-Casinos pay Chuck Norris not to play at anything or wish anyone good luck.
-%
-Chuck Norris once got a 200 yard punt return
-%
-Every line in a Chuck Norris haiku is "A roundhouse kick to the face."  And they all have the correct number of syllables.
-%
-An angry glare from Chuck Norris is known to kill on the spot.
-%
-Evolution's driving mechanism is nature's desperate attempt to escape Chuck Norris.
-%
-When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.
-%
-Don't get Chuck Norris angry, last time somebody did that Chuck Norris made the Grand Canyon.
-%
-In Texas, there are five sizes for fountain drinks: small, medium, large, Texas sized, and Chuck Norris Sized.  It is a cup made of a human skull.
-%
-After Chuck counted to infinity the first time, he vowed to count to infinity a second time....by counting the bodies of those previously roundhoused.
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
 %
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+Chuck Norris' glass is never half full or half empty. It stays full even after he takes a drink.
 %
 Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
 %
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+Chuck Norris' personal airplane is called Air Force Chuck
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+Chuck Norris. Enough said.
 %
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+Chuck Norris: even Naruto can't believe it
 %
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+Chunk Norris can make sour milk turn fresh
 %
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+Contrary to popular beleif, Rome WAS built in a day, by Chuck Norris.
 %
 Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 %
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
 Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
 %
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-Taking Karate Lessons = $100, Buying MMA DVD's= $150, Subscribing to a UFC event = $50, Getting a Roundhouse Kick from Chuck Norris = PRICELESS
+Cops don't need a badges in their wallets but only a picture of Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris played the game of thrones and won
+Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't need sunglasses, the sun needs Chuck Norris glasses
+Dead bodies were found of people that are still alive. These people will cross Chuck Norris in the future and will be round-house kicked back in time.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you just answer the wrong phone.
+Did you here about the boy who cried Chuck Norris?
 %
-Chuck Norris once won the tour de france riding a " big wheel"
+Do you know why Chuck Norris didn't star in The Expandebles? Because all the others guys would have surrended at the beginning.
 %
-May the Force be with Chuck Norris... for it's own good.
+Dog the Bounty Hunter can't track Chuck Norris down.
 %
-Chuck Norris once played Duck Duck Goose with a group of Kindergarteners. Only one kid made it to first grade
+Don't get Chuck Norris angry, last time somebody did that Chuck Norris made the Grand Canyon.
 %
 During the Civil War Chuck Norris was a slave, his master would often beg him for mercy
 %
-Chuck Norris' glass is never half full or half empty. It stays full even after he takes a drink.
-%
- King Kong climbed the Empire State building in fear of Chuck Norris who was downstairs at the time.
+Earth's rotation is purely governed by the direction that Chuck Norris is walking.
 %
-Chuck Norris can French kiss his elbow.
+Ever wonder what really happened to the dinosaurs? They all dug their own graves when they heard Chuck Norris was coming
 %
-Chuck Norris never trains, because he's Chuck Norris.
+Every line in a Chuck Norris haiku is "A roundhouse kick to the face."  And they all have the correct number of syllables.
 %
 Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris
 %
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+Every time there's an earthquake, you know Chuck Norris is hungry. The earthquake is caused by his stomach growling.
 %
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+Everyone is so scared of Chuck Norris that they kiss his arse by writing these facts, too right they should
 %
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
+Evolution's driving mechanism is nature's desperate attempt to escape Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
+Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
 %
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
+Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+Ghosts can see Chuck Norris
 %
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
 %
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  No woodchuck could chuck Chuck's wood!
 %
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
+If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
 %
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
+If Chuck Norris were to get into a fight with another Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win.
 %
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
+If Chuck was ever captured, he could win a game of Russian Roulette with six bullets in the revolver, he would shoot everyone else!
 %
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
+If God doesn't know, Chuck does
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+If Goliath listened to Chuck Norris he would have won.
 %
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 %
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+If you put in the correct cheat code in Halo 2, you can have Master Cheif play without his helmet; revealing to be Chuck Norris.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+If you see a man in the street who looks like Chuck Norris, but isn't, run: you don't want to be caught in the resulting roundhouse kick to his face.
 %
 If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 %
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+In 1945 The US army asked if they could clone Chuck Norris. instead he said he could sort out the Japanese.
 %
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+In Texas, there are five sizes for fountain drinks: small, medium, large, Texas sized, and Chuck Norris Sized.  It is a cup made of a human skull.
 %
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
+In a rain storm Chuck Norris stays dry. Rain drops are scared to hit him.
 %
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
+In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
 %
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
+In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+James Bond has a license to kill. He got it from Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+Jedis are now taught to use the "Chuck"
 %
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
 %
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+Machiavelli said it is better to be feared than loved because he was inspired by Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+May the Force be with Chuck Norris... for it's own good.
 %
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+Merlin was Chuck Norris' assistant.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+More of a question than a fact: in a fight between Chuck Norris and Gordan Freeman who would win?
 %
 Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
 %
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
+Note to everyone: Please do not give beans to Chuck Norris or do you want another atombomb on hiroshima?
 %
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
+Note to self:  Don't be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.
 %
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+On the keyboard there is no control button because Chuck Norris is always in control.
 %
 Once upon a time, Chuck Norris found himself in a town called Shit Creek.....He opened a Paddle Store.
 %
-Chuck Norris Can Power Solar Panels. At Night.
-%
-When Betty White gets angry, she turns into the Hulk. When Valerie Bertinelli gets mad, she turns into Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so hard, he uses diamonds as stress balls.
-%
-Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick someone through a window without breaking the glass
-%
-Chuck Norris. Enough said.
-%
-The letters in Chuck Norris cannot be unscrambled.
-%
-Chuck Norris once taught a class of martial arts.Unfortunately Chuck had forgiven to take elephant tranquilizers and killed every one just by saluting
-%
-Chuck Norris was heard in a soundproof room!
-%
-Chuck Norris can see in 3D with just one eye.
-%
-Chuck Norris owns all number 1 pencils.
-%
-Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t brew up tea. He sucks the bag.
+One glance from Chuck Norris and snow turns itself yellow.
 %
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
+One time a test cheated on Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
+Only Chuck Norris can win the mind game, 'cause he never minds.
 %
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
+Only Chuck Norris is stronger than an Altoid.
 %
 Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
+Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
 %
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
+Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
 %
 Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
+Simon doesn't say...Chuck Norris says.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
+Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.?
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
+Some boots were made for walking. Some boots may walk all over you, but Chuck Norris' boot walk THROUGH you.
 %
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
+Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete.
 %
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
+Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
 %
 Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
 %
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-They say death by a 1000 lashes was the most painful way to die, that was before they got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris
-%
-Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.
-%
-Dead bodies were found of people that are still alive. These people will cross Chuck Norris in the future and will be round-house kicked back in time.
-%
-The reason why batman only comes out at night is because he's afraid he might encounter Chuck Norris in the Morning and afternoon.
-%
-The kids said when Chuck was eating Trix cereal ´´silly Chuck, Trix are for kids´´...what happened next?..............................Darfur happened.
-%
-Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick round houses into squares.
+Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
 %
-Chuck Norris is allowed two carry-ons.
+Taking Karate Lessons = $100, Buying MMA DVD's= $150, Subscribing to a UFC event = $50, Getting a Roundhouse Kick from Chuck Norris = PRICELESS
 %
-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
+That's not an eclipse....that's the sun hiding from Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris does not have a cell phone because he hears everything
+The Beatles are on iTunes because Chuck Norris bought a Mac.
 %
-Chuck Norris isn't appropriate...appropriate isn't Chuck Norris
+The Earth is made up of two-thirds water and one-third Chuck Norris.
 %
-Earth's rotation is purely governed by the direction that Chuck Norris is walking.
+The Earth was almost destroyed by a 50 km wide asteroid in 1984, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into the Sun.
 %
-Chuck Norris drowned a man ON LAND.
+The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
 %
 The Jone's are trying to keep up with Chuck Norris
 %
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+The Matrix Trilogy would have ended on the first movie if Keanu Reeves said, “I know Chuck Norris.”
 %
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+The answer to life, the universe and everything isnt 42. It's Chuck Norris.
 %
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+The apple falls far from the tree, when a roundhouse kick is taken to the trunk.
 %
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
+The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris let you live.
 %
 The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 %
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-Chuck Norris bowled a 301 after constructing another pin out of his beard hair
-%
-The only reason that USA lost the 2011 world cup to Japan is because Chuck Norris wasn't there.
-%
-Unlike Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris doesn't need bullets. A quick roundhouse to the face kills twice as fast.
-%
-There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
-%
-Chuck Norris' dog pick up after him.
-%
-Jedis are now taught to use the "Chuck"
-%
-Chuck Norris dosent carry a list. He always knows what to do.
-%
-When Chuck Norris performs a roundhouse kick, he's actually measuring the circumference of the universe.
-%
-Walker: Texas Ranger went into syndication before the first episode was shot.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
-%
-"Walker Texas Ranger: The Movie 3-D" was considered by Warner Brothers; however the technology to create the visual effects will never be possible.
-%
-When Chuck Norris creates a login, it tells him "password not strong enough", he types in his name and it tells him "password too strong."
-%
-Chuck Norris isn't allowed at the zoo because when he's there the animals are terriefied to come out their cages
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
+The dictionary references Chuck Norris several times, he is metioned under Fear, Law, Order and Chucktatorship.
 %
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
+The kids said when Chuck was eating Trix cereal ´´silly Chuck, Trix are for kids´´...what happened next?..............................Darfur happened.
 %
 The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
 %
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+The letters in Chuck Norris cannot be unscrambled.
 %
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+The meaning of life is Chuck Norris
 %
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+The only place where the Starship Enterprise refuses to boldly go is Chuck Norris' planet...which is all of them.
 %
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+The only reason that USA lost the 2011 world cup to Japan is because Chuck Norris wasn't there.
 %
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+The only sure things are Death and Taxes, and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+The only way sharks will come near CN underwater is when CN is inside of a cage.
 %
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+The only word that rhymes with orange is Chuck Norris
 %
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+The planes in 9/11 were not hijacked. Chuck Norris was just playing with his old radio controller.
 %
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+The producers of the movie "The Last Airbender" are now in talks with Chuck Norris in Order to star him in their next sequal "The Last Skull Bender".
 %
 The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
+The reason why batman only comes out at night is because he's afraid he might encounter Chuck Norris in the Morning and afternoon.
 %
-Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
+The red phone in the oval office...Rings directly to Chuck Norris Cell Phone
 %
-Chuck Norris splattered tiger blood and Adonis' dna on Charlie Sheen with 1 roundhouse kick!
+The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
 %
-How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  No woodchuck could chuck Chuck's wood!
+The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.  Do not try to square Chuck Norris.  The result is death
 %
 The sun only rises every morning because Chuck Norris allows it to.
 %
-Chuck Norris can do a regime change with a roundhouse kick.
-%
-Chuck Norris CAN spell with an I before E even after C.
-%
-Ghosts can see Chuck Norris
-%
-The answer to life, the universe and everything isnt 42. It's Chuck Norris.
-%
-When Chuck Norris pokes the Pillsbury Doughboy, it's not a laughing matter.
-%
-Chuck Norris once thought he was wrong. He was, however, mistaken.
-%
-Ever wonder what really happened to the dinosaurs? They all dug their own graves when they heard Chuck Norris was coming
-%
-"The wind cries Chuck Norris"
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't need a bulletproof vest. He catches them with his bare hands.
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+The truth hurts, doesn't it? Chuck Norris' truth kills.
 %
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
+There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
+There is no limbo, only a world that doesn't know of Chuck Norris
 %
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
+There is no such thing as being hard its called the Chuck Norris factor.
 %
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
+There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
 %
 There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
 %
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-Chuck Norris: even Naruto can't believe it
-%
-Chuck Norris can fit 10 gallons of water in a 5 gallon water bucket
-%
-Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only one who can tear a facebook page!
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't need air, he is air
-%
-Chuck Norris once tried to teach a fat, stupid kid Martial Arts. Unsuccessfully. The kid grew up to be Steven Seagal.
-%
-Achievement Unlocked: Chuck Norris of Death
-%
-Chuck Norris is the ghost in paranormal activity.
-%
-Chuck Norris can't get fired by Donald Trump
-%
-Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
-%
-Note to self:  Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.
-%
-Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about.
-%
-Chuck Norris is entitiled to his own facts.
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
 There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 %
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+They say death by a 1000 lashes was the most painful way to die, that was before they got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris
 %
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
+This one time at band camp... BAM! Chuck Norris.
 %
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
+Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
 %
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
+Trick me once, shame on you, trick Chuck Norris.....rest in peace.
 %
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
+Unlike Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris doesn't need bullets. A quick roundhouse to the face kills twice as fast.
 %
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
+Walker: Texas Ranger went into syndication before the first episode was shot.
 %
 What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
 %
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-While visiting the hexagon, Chuck Norris was asked to demonstrate his famous roundhouse kick. Henceforth, it has been known as the Pentagon.
-%
-When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.
-%
-If Goliath listened to Chuck Norris he would have won.
-%
-Chuck Norris can defuse bomb even if he cut the wrong wire
-%
-Chuck Norris sleeps in Seattle.
-%
-Chuck Norris shot a man with a knife
-%
-The dictionary references Chuck Norris several times, he is metioned under Fear, Law, Order and Chucktatorship.
-%
-Chuck Norris CAN balance the light-switch between ON and OFF.
-%
-If Chuck was ever captured, he could win a game of Russian Roulette with six bullets in the revolver, he would shoot everyone else!
-%
-In a rain storm Chuck Norris stays dry. Rain drops are scared to hit him.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason tumbleweeds tumble
-%
-The Earth was almost destroyed by a 50 km wide asteroid in 1984, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into the Sun.
-%
-Chuck Norris can terminate a repeating decimal.
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
+Whatever Chuck Norris wants, it will instantly appear.
 %
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
+When Betty White gets angry, she turns into the Hulk. When Valerie Bertinelli gets mad, she turns into Chuck Norris.
 %
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
+When Chuck Norris creates a login, it tells him "password not strong enough", he types in his name and it tells him "password too strong."
 %
 When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 %
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
+When Chuck Norris drinks water, the water automatically pasteurized.
 %
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
+When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
 %
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
+When Chuck Norris goes to rodeos, bulls ride him.
 %
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
+When Chuck Norris goes to the library, he looks for the guinness book of records in the comedy section.
 %
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
+When Chuck Norris inhales helium, his voice doesn't change.
 %
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
+When Chuck Norris performs a roundhouse kick, he's actually measuring the circumference of the universe.
 %
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
+When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.
 %
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
+When Chuck Norris pokes the Pillsbury Doughboy, it's not a laughing matter.
 %
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
+When Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks you HE decides when you will feel the impact .
 %
 When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
 %
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't look for fun. The fun looks for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris starts his day with 6 live chickens two cows, three pigs and a boiling hot cup of pure fury
-%
-The only word that rhymes with orange is Chuck Norris
-%
-Everyone is so scared of Chuck Norris that they kiss his arse by writing these facts, too right they should
-%
-gmail@chucknorris.com
-%
-Chuck Norris play's Texas hold em with Zeus, every second Wednesday of the month
-%
-Chuck Norris has killed the Dead Sea
-%
-On the keyboard there is no control button because Chuck Norris is always in control.
+When Chuck Norris tosses a coin, it lands on both head and tail.
 %
-The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.
+When God said "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "Only for half the day
 %
-Chuck Norris sent a BBM to an iphone.
+When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.
 %
 When Presidents speak, their nation listens. When Chuck Norris blinks, the whole World listens.
 %
-Chuck Norris once cried just to see what it was like. The end result was the creation of life.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason that the world will end in 2012. He was getting bored with the Earth
-%
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-%
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-%
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-%
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
-%
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
-%
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-%
-Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-%
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-%
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
-%
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
-%
-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
-%
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-%
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
-%
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
-%
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
-%
-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
-%
-The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
-%
-Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-%
-Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
-%
-Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
-%
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-%
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-%
-Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
-%
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
-%
-Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
-%
-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
-%
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
-%
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-%
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-%
-Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
-%
-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
-%
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
-%
-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-%
-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-%
-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-%
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-%
-A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-%
-Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
-%
-Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
-%
-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
-%
-Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
-%
-Only Chuck Norris is stronger than an Altoid.
-%
-Chuck Norris has a battlecruiser AND a car.
-%
-Chuck Norris burnt a fire proof vest, UNDERWATER!
+When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
 %
-Chuck Norris was once turned down for American Idol. When Simon was questioned about it, he replied "I'm retiring after this season". I wonder why?
+When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
+When does Chuck Norris run out of shotgun bullets?.....whenever he wants to.
 %
-When Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks you HE decides when you will feel the impact .
+When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
 %
-Chuck Norris made the big bang just by clicking his fingers
+When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
 %
-Trick me once, shame on you, trick Chuck Norris.....rest in peace.
+When things go bump in the night.... it's Chuck Norris
 %
-Chuck Norris doesn't fight.  He gives motivational seminars to die on their own to avoid a roundhouse kick to the face.
+While visiting the hexagon, Chuck Norris was asked to demonstrate his famous roundhouse kick. Henceforth, it has been known as the Pentagon.
 %
-This one time at band camp... BAM! Chuck Norris.
+Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris got to it first.
 %
-Chuck Norris protects his body guards.
+World War II began because Chuck Norris took a nap.  When he woke up, Hitler found out and killed himself out of fear Chuck Norris would kill him.
 %
-Chuck Norris watched the first steps on the moon... From his summer home on Mars
+You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
 %
-The Earth is made up of two-thirds water and one-third Chuck Norris.
+http://chucknorrisfacts.com/ is built in Drupal because Chuck Norris knows a good CMS when he sees one.
 %
diff --git a/plugins/cloudapp/README.md b/plugins/cloudapp/README.md
index fc9fc32bd..ef304edc2 100644
--- a/plugins/cloudapp/README.md
+++ b/plugins/cloudapp/README.md
@@ -1,5 +1,7 @@
 # CloudApp plugin
 
+## The CloudApp API is deprecated, so the plugin will be removed shortly
+
 [CloudApp](https://www.getcloudapp.com) brings screen recording, screenshots, and GIF creation to the cloud, in an easy-to-use enterprise-level app. The CloudApp plugin allows you to upload a file to your CloadApp account from the command line.
 
 To use it, add `cloudapp` to the plugins array of your `~/.zshrc` file:
diff --git a/plugins/cloudapp/cloudapp.plugin.zsh b/plugins/cloudapp/cloudapp.plugin.zsh
index 3b363c81b..a4d92a080 100644
--- a/plugins/cloudapp/cloudapp.plugin.zsh
+++ b/plugins/cloudapp/cloudapp.plugin.zsh
@@ -1,6 +1,4 @@
-alias cloudapp="${0:a:h}/cloudapp.rb"
-
-# Ensure only the owner can access the credentials file
-if [[ -f ~/.cloudapp ]]; then
-  chmod 600 ~/.cloudapp
-fi
+print -Pn "%F{yellow}"
+print "[oh-my-zsh] The CloudApp API no longer works, so the cloudapp plugin will"
+print "[oh-my-zsh] be removed shortly. Please remove it from your plugins list."
+print -Pn "%f"
diff --git a/plugins/cloudapp/cloudapp.rb b/plugins/cloudapp/cloudapp.rb
deleted file mode 100755
index a11cfdb32..000000000
--- a/plugins/cloudapp/cloudapp.rb
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,60 +0,0 @@
-#!/usr/bin/env ruby
-#
-# cloudapp
-# Zach Holman / @holman
-#
-# Uploads a file from the command line to CloudApp, drops it into your 
-# clipboard (on a Mac, at least).
-#
-# Example:
-#
-#   cloudapp drunk-blake.png
-#
-# This requires Aaron Russell's cloudapp_api gem:
-#
-#   gem install cloudapp_api
-#
-# Requires you set your CloudApp credentials in ~/.cloudapp as a simple file of:
-#
-#   email
-#   password
-
-require 'rubygems'
-begin
-  require 'cloudapp_api'
-rescue LoadError
-  puts "You need to install cloudapp_api: gem install cloudapp_api"
-  exit!(1)
-end
-
-config_file = "#{ENV['HOME']}/.cloudapp"
-unless File.exist?(config_file)
-  puts "You need to type your email and password (one per line) into "+
-       "`~/.cloudapp`"
-  exit!(1)
-end
-
-email,password = File.read(config_file).split("\n")
-
-class HTTParty::Response
-  # Apparently HTTPOK.ok? IS NOT OKAY WTFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
-  # LETS MONKEY PATCH IT I FEEL OKAY ABOUT IT
-  def ok? ; true end
-end
-
-if ARGV[0].nil?
-   puts "You need to specify a file to upload."
-   exit!(1)
-end
-
-CloudApp.authenticate(email,password)
-url = CloudApp::Item.create(:upload, {:file => ARGV[0]}).url
-
-# Say it for good measure.
-puts "Uploaded to #{url}."
-
-# Get the embed link.
-url = "#{url}/#{ARGV[0].split('/').last}"
-
-# Copy it to your (Mac's) clipboard.
-`echo '#{url}' | tr -d "\n" | pbcopy`
diff --git a/plugins/encode64/README.md b/plugins/encode64/README.md
index a83a3d3d2..86320cffb 100644
--- a/plugins/encode64/README.md
+++ b/plugins/encode64/README.md
@@ -53,6 +53,6 @@ plugins=(... encode64)
   ```console
   $ echo "b2gtbXktenNoCg==" | decode64
   oh-my-zsh
-  $ echo "b2gtbXktenNoCg==" | decode64
+  $ echo "b2gtbXktenNoCg==" | d64
   oh-my-zsh
   ```
diff --git a/plugins/fastfile/fastfile.plugin.zsh b/plugins/fastfile/fastfile.plugin.zsh
index 0d71246fc..ccbbce3b2 100644
--- a/plugins/fastfile/fastfile.plugin.zsh
+++ b/plugins/fastfile/fastfile.plugin.zsh
@@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ function fastfile_print() {
 #    (=> fastfle_print) for each shortcut
 #
 function fastfile_ls() {
-    for f in "${fastfile_dir}"/*; do
+    for f in "${fastfile_dir}"/*(NF); do
         file=`basename "$f"` # To enable simpler handeling of spaces in file names
         varkey=`echo "$file" | tr " " "_"`
 
@@ -104,7 +104,7 @@ function fastfile_rm() {
 # Generate the aliases for the shortcuts
 #
 function fastfile_sync() {
-    for f in "${fastfile_dir}"/*(N); do
+    for f in "${fastfile_dir}"/*(NF); do
         file=`basename "$f"` # To enable simpler handeling of spaces in file names
         varkey=`echo "$file" | tr " " "_"`
 
diff --git a/plugins/git/README.md b/plugins/git/README.md
index 8642dd055..b7f216813 100644
--- a/plugins/git/README.md
+++ b/plugins/git/README.md
@@ -23,7 +23,7 @@ plugins=(... git)
 | gb                   | git branch                                                                                                                       |
 | gba                  | git branch -a                                                                                                                    |
 | gbd                  | git branch -d                                                                                                                    |
-| gbda                 | git branch --no-color --merged \| command grep -vE "^(\+\|\*\|\s*(master\|development\|develop\|devel\|dev)\s*$)" \| command xargs -n 1 git branch -d |
+| gbda                 | git branch --no-color --merged \| command grep -vE "^(\+\|\*\|\s*($(git_main_branch)\|development\|develop\|devel\|dev)\s*$)" \| command xargs -n 1 git branch -d |
 | gbD                  | git branch -D                                                                                                                    |
 | gbl                  | git blame -b -w                                                                                                                  |
 | gbnm                 | git branch --no-merged                                                                                                           |
@@ -47,7 +47,7 @@ plugins=(... git)
 | gcl                  | git clone --recurse-submodules                                                                                                   |
 | gclean               | git clean -id                                                                                                                    |
 | gpristine            | git reset --hard && git clean -dffx                                                                                              |
-| gcm                  | git checkout master                                                                                                              |
+| gcm                  | git checkout $(git_main_branch)                                                                                                                |
 | gcd                  | git checkout develop                                                                                                             |
 | gcmsg                | git commit -m                                                                                                                    |
 | gco                  | git checkout                                                                                                                     |
@@ -85,7 +85,7 @@ plugins=(... git)
 | ghh                  | git help                                                                                                                         |
 | gignore              | git update-index --assume-unchanged                                                                                              |
 | gignored             | git ls-files -v \| grep "^[[:lower:]]"                                                                                           |
-| git-svn-dcommit-push | git svn dcommit && git push github master:svntrunk                                                                               |
+| git-svn-dcommit-push | git svn dcommit && git push github $(git_main_branch):svntrunk                                                                                 |
 | gk                   | gitk --all --branches                                                                                                            |
 | gke                  | gitk --all $(git log -g --pretty=%h)                                                                                             |
 | gl                   | git pull                                                                                                                         |
@@ -102,12 +102,12 @@ plugins=(... git)
 | glola                | git log --graph --pretty='%Cred%h%Creset -%C(auto)%d%Creset %s %Cgreen(%cr) %C(bold blue)<%an>%Creset' --all                     |
 | glog                 | git log --oneline --decorate --graph                                                                                             |
 | gloga                | git log --oneline --decorate --graph --all                                                                                       |
-| glp                  | git log --pretty=\<format\>                                                                                                       |
+| glp                  | git log --pretty=\<format\>                                                                                                      |
 | gm                   | git merge                                                                                                                        |
-| gmom                 | git merge origin/master                                                                                                          |
+| gmom                 | git merge origin/$(git_main_branch)                                                                                                            |
 | gmt                  | git mergetool --no-prompt                                                                                                        |
 | gmtvim               | git mergetool --no-prompt --tool=vimdiff                                                                                         |
-| gmum                 | git merge upstream/master                                                                                                        |
+| gmum                 | git merge upstream/$(git_main_branch)                                                                                                          |
 | gma                  | git merge --abort                                                                                                                |
 | gp                   | git push                                                                                                                         |
 | gpd                  | git push --dry-run                                                                                                               |
@@ -123,7 +123,7 @@ plugins=(... git)
 | grbc                 | git rebase --continue                                                                                                            |
 | grbd                 | git rebase develop                                                                                                               |
 | grbi                 | git rebase -i                                                                                                                    |
-| grbm                 | git rebase master                                                                                                                |
+| grbm                 | git rebase $(git_main_branch)                                                                                                                  |
 | grbs                 | git rebase --skip                                                                                                                |
 | grev                 | git revert                                                                                                                       |
 | grh                  | git reset                                                                                                                        |
@@ -170,7 +170,7 @@ plugins=(... git)
 | gupv                 | git pull --rebase -v                                                                                                             |
 | gupa                 | git pull --rebase --autostash                                                                                                    |
 | gupav                | git pull --rebase --autostash -v                                                                                                 |
-| glum                 | git pull upstream master                                                                                                         |
+| glum                 | git pull upstream $(git_main_branch)                                                                                                           |
 | gwch                 | git whatchanged -p --abbrev-commit --pretty=medium                                                                               |
 | gwip                 | git add -A; git rm $(git ls-files --deleted) 2> /dev/null; git commit --no-verify --no-gpg-sign -m "--wip-- [skip ci]"           |
 | gam                  | git am                                                                                                                           |
@@ -179,6 +179,13 @@ plugins=(... git)
 | gama                 | git am --abort                                                                                                                   |
 | gamscp               | git am --show-current-patch                                                                                                      |
 
+### Main branch preference
+
+Following the recent push for removing racially-charged words from our technical vocabulary, the git plugin favors using
+a branch name other than `master`. In this case, we favor the shorter, neutral and descriptive term `main`. This means
+that any aliases and functions that previously used `master`, will use `main` if that branch exists. We do this via the
+function `git_main_branch`.
+
 ### Deprecated aliases
 
 These are aliases that have been removed, renamed, or otherwise modified in a way that may, or may not, receive further support.
@@ -201,12 +208,13 @@ These are aliases that have been removed, renamed, or otherwise modified in a wa
 
 ### Current
 
-| Command                | Description                                              |
-|:-----------------------|:---------------------------------------------------------|
-| `grename <old> <new>`  | Rename `old` branch to `new`, including in origin remote |
-| current_branch         | Return the name of the current branch                    |
-| git_current_user_name  | Returns the `user.name` config value                     |
-| git_current_user_email | Returns the `user.email` config value                    |
+| Command                | Description                                                                  |
+|:-----------------------|:-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
+| `grename <old> <new>`  | Rename `old` branch to `new`, including in origin remote                     |
+| current_branch         | Return the name of the current branch                                        |
+| git_current_user_name  | Returns the `user.name` config value                                         |
+| git_current_user_email | Returns the `user.email` config value                                        |
+| git_main_branch        | Returns the name of the main branch: `main` if it exists, `master` otherwise |
 
 ### Work in Progress (WIP)
 
diff --git a/plugins/git/git.plugin.zsh b/plugins/git/git.plugin.zsh
index 1112421bf..5a9ccff5c 100644
--- a/plugins/git/git.plugin.zsh
+++ b/plugins/git/git.plugin.zsh
@@ -25,6 +25,15 @@ function work_in_progress() {
   fi
 }
 
+# Check if main exists and use instead of master
+function git_main_branch() {
+  if [[ -n "$(git branch --list main)" ]]; then
+    echo main
+  else
+    echo master
+  fi
+}
+
 #
 # Aliases
 # (sorted alphabetically)
@@ -43,7 +52,7 @@ alias gapt='git apply --3way'
 alias gb='git branch'
 alias gba='git branch -a'
 alias gbd='git branch -d'
-alias gbda='git branch --no-color --merged | command grep -vE "^(\+|\*|\s*(master|development|develop|devel|dev)\s*$)" | command xargs -n 1 git branch -d'
+alias gbda='git branch --no-color --merged | command grep -vE "^(\+|\*|\s*($(git_main_branch)|development|develop|devel|dev)\s*$)" | command xargs -n 1 git branch -d'
 alias gbD='git branch -D'
 alias gbl='git blame -b -w'
 alias gbnm='git branch --no-merged'
@@ -68,7 +77,7 @@ alias gcf='git config --list'
 alias gcl='git clone --recurse-submodules'
 alias gclean='git clean -id'
 alias gpristine='git reset --hard && git clean -dffx'
-alias gcm='git checkout master'
+alias gcm='git checkout $(git_main_branch)'
 alias gcd='git checkout develop'
 alias gcmsg='git commit -m'
 alias gco='git checkout'
@@ -160,7 +169,7 @@ alias ghh='git help'
 
 alias gignore='git update-index --assume-unchanged'
 alias gignored='git ls-files -v | grep "^[[:lower:]]"'
-alias git-svn-dcommit-push='git svn dcommit && git push github master:svntrunk'
+alias git-svn-dcommit-push='git svn dcommit && git push github $(git_main_branch):svntrunk'
 
 alias gk='\gitk --all --branches'
 alias gke='\gitk --all $(git log -g --pretty=%h)'
@@ -182,10 +191,10 @@ alias gloga='git log --oneline --decorate --graph --all'
 alias glp="_git_log_prettily"
 
 alias gm='git merge'
-alias gmom='git merge origin/master'
+alias gmom='git merge origin/$(git_main_branch)'
 alias gmt='git mergetool --no-prompt'
 alias gmtvim='git mergetool --no-prompt --tool=vimdiff'
-alias gmum='git merge upstream/master'
+alias gmum='git merge upstream/$(git_main_branch)'
 alias gma='git merge --abort'
 
 alias gp='git push'
@@ -203,7 +212,7 @@ alias grba='git rebase --abort'
 alias grbc='git rebase --continue'
 alias grbd='git rebase develop'
 alias grbi='git rebase -i'
-alias grbm='git rebase master'
+alias grbm='git rebase $(git_main_branch)'
 alias grbs='git rebase --skip'
 alias grev='git revert'
 alias grh='git reset'
@@ -258,7 +267,7 @@ alias gup='git pull --rebase'
 alias gupv='git pull --rebase -v'
 alias gupa='git pull --rebase --autostash'
 alias gupav='git pull --rebase --autostash -v'
-alias glum='git pull upstream master'
+alias glum='git pull upstream $(git_main_branch)'
 
 alias gwch='git whatchanged -p --abbrev-commit --pretty=medium'
 alias gwip='git add -A; git rm $(git ls-files --deleted) 2> /dev/null; git commit --no-verify --no-gpg-sign -m "--wip-- [skip ci]"'
diff --git a/plugins/gradle/_gradle b/plugins/gradle/_gradle
index 647626615..e77b23cdb 100644
--- a/plugins/gradle/_gradle
+++ b/plugins/gradle/_gradle
@@ -116,9 +116,9 @@ __gradle-generate-tasks-cache() {
     # Reuse Gradle Daemon if IDLE but don't start a new one.
     local gradle_tasks_output
     if [[ ! -z "$($gradle_cmd --status 2>/dev/null | grep IDLE)" ]]; then
-        gradle_tasks_output="$($gradle_cmd --daemon --build-file $gradle_build_file -q tasks --all 2>/dev/null)"
+        gradle_tasks_output="$($gradle_cmd --daemon --build-file $gradle_build_file --console plain -q tasks --all 2>/dev/null)"
     else
-        gradle_tasks_output="$($gradle_cmd --no-daemon --build-file $gradle_build_file -q tasks --all 2>/dev/null)"
+        gradle_tasks_output="$($gradle_cmd --no-daemon --build-file $gradle_build_file --console plain -q tasks --all 2>/dev/null)"
     fi
     local gradle_all_tasks="" root_tasks="" subproject_tasks="" output_line
     local -a match
diff --git a/plugins/mvn/README.md b/plugins/mvn/README.md
index 72cea9cb9..cbe7f30fa 100644
--- a/plugins/mvn/README.md
+++ b/plugins/mvn/README.md
@@ -36,6 +36,7 @@ if it's found, or the mvn command otherwise.
 | `mvndocs`            | `mvn dependency:resolve -Dclassifier=javadoc`   |
 | `mvndt`              | `mvn dependency:tree`                           |
 | `mvne`               | `mvn eclipse:eclipse`                           |
+| `mvnfmt`             | `mvn fmt:format`                                |
 | `mvnjetty`           | `mvn jetty:run`                                 |
 | `mvnp`               | `mvn package`                                   |
 | `mvns`               | `mvn site`                                      |
diff --git a/plugins/mvn/mvn.plugin.zsh b/plugins/mvn/mvn.plugin.zsh
index 0866e5553..7cb94b42f 100644
--- a/plugins/mvn/mvn.plugin.zsh
+++ b/plugins/mvn/mvn.plugin.zsh
@@ -59,6 +59,7 @@ alias mvnd='mvn deploy'
 alias mvndocs='mvn dependency:resolve -Dclassifier=javadoc'
 alias mvndt='mvn dependency:tree'
 alias mvne='mvn eclipse:eclipse'
+alias mvnfmt='mvn fmt:format'
 alias mvnjetty='mvn jetty:run'
 alias mvnp='mvn package'
 alias mvns='mvn site'
diff --git a/plugins/osx/README.md b/plugins/osx/README.md
index 50e9e7f21..ecc9327d0 100644
--- a/plugins/osx/README.md
+++ b/plugins/osx/README.md
@@ -22,14 +22,17 @@ Original author: [Sorin Ionescu](https://github.com/sorin-ionescu)
 | `pfs`           | Return the current Finder selection                   |
 | `cdf`           | `cd` to the current Finder directory                  |
 | `pushdf`        | `pushd` to the current Finder directory               |
+| `pxd`           | Return the current Xcode project directory            |
+| `cdx`           | `cd` to the current Xcode project directory           |
 | `quick-look`    | Quick-Look a specified file                           |
 | `man-preview`   | Open a specified man page in Preview app              |
-| `showfiles`     | Show hidden files                                     |
-| `hidefiles`     | Hide the hidden files                                 |
-| `itunes`        | DEPRECATED. Use `music` from macOS Catalina on        |
+| `showfiles`     | Show hidden files in Finder                           |
+| `hidefiles`     | Hide the hidden files in Finder                       |
+| `itunes`        | _DEPRECATED_. Use `music` from macOS Catalina on      |
 | `music`         | Control Apple Music. Use `music -h` for usage details |
 | `spotify`       | Control Spotify and search by artist, album, track…   |
 | `rmdsstore`     | Remove .DS\_Store files recursively in a directory    |
+| `btrestart`     | Restart the Bluetooth daemon                          |
 
 ## Acknowledgements
 
diff --git a/plugins/osx/_security b/plugins/osx/_security
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..e4ed585ac
--- /dev/null
+++ b/plugins/osx/_security
@@ -0,0 +1,90 @@
+#compdef security
+
+local -a _1st_arguments
+_1st_arguments=(
+  'help:Show all commands, or show usage for a command'
+  'list-keychains:Display or manipulate the keychain search list'
+  'default-keychain:Display or set the default keychain'
+  'login-keychain:Display or set the login keychain'
+  'create-keychain:Create keychains and add them to the search list'
+  'delete-keychain:Delete keychains and remove them from the search list'
+  'lock-keychain:Lock the specified keychain'
+  'lock-keychain:Unlock the specified keychain'
+  'set-keychain-settings:Set settings for a keychain'
+  'set-keychain-password:Set password for a keychain'
+  'show-keychain-info:Show the settings for keychain'
+  'dump-keychain:Dump the contents of one or more keychains'
+  'create-keypair:Create an asymmetric key pair'
+  'add-generic-password:Add a generic password item'
+  'add-internet-password:Add an internet password item'
+  'add-certificates:Add certificates to a keychain'
+  'find-generic-password:Find a generic password item'
+  'delete-generic-password:Delete a generic password item'
+  'find-internet-password:Find an internet password item'
+  'delete-internet-password:Delete an internet password item'
+  'find-certificate:Find a certificate item'
+  'find-identity:Find an identity certificate + private key'
+  'delete-certificate:Delete a certificate from a keychain'
+  'set-identity-preference:Set the preferred identity to use for a service'
+  'get-identity-preference:Get the preferred identity to use for a service'
+  'create-db:Create a db using the DL'
+  'export:Export items from a keychain'
+  'import:Import items into a keychain'
+  'cms:Encode or decode CMS messages'
+  'install-mds:MDS database'
+  'add-trusted-cert:Add trusted certificates:'
+  'remove-trusted-cert:Remove trusted certificates:'
+  'dump-trust-settings:Display contents of trust settings'
+  'user-trust-settings-enable:Display or manipulate user-level trust settings'
+  'trust-settings-export:Export trust settings'
+  'trust-settings-import:Import trust settings'
+  'verify-cert:Verify certificates:'
+  'authorize:Perform authorization operations'
+  'authorizationdb:Make changes to the authorization policy database'
+  'execute-with-privileges:Execute tool with privileges'
+  'leaks:Run /usr/bin/leaks on this process'
+  'error:Display a descriptive message for the given error codes:'
+  'create-filevaultmaster-keychain:"Create a keychain containing a key pair for FileVault recovery use'
+)
+_arguments '*:: :->command'
+
+if (( CURRENT == 1 )); then
+  _describe -t commands "security command" _1st_arguments
+  return
+fi
+
+case "$words[1]" in
+  find-(generic|internet)-password)
+    _values \
+      'Usage: find-[internet/generic]-password [-a account] [-s server] [options...] [-g] [keychain...]' \
+      '-a[Match "account" string]' \
+      '-c[Match "creator" (four-character code)]' \
+      '-C[Match "type" (four-character code)]' \
+      '-D[Match "kind" string]' \
+      '-G[Match "value" string (generic attribute)]' \
+      '-j[Match "comment" string]' \
+      '-l[Match "label" string]' \
+      '-s[Match "service" string]' \
+      '-g[Display the password for the item found]' \
+      '-w[Display only the password on stdout]' ;;
+  add-(generic|internet)-password)
+    _values \
+      'Usage: add-[internet/generic]-password [-a account] [-s server] [-w password] [options...] [-A|-T appPath] [keychain]]' \
+      '-a[Specify account name (required)]' \
+      '-c[Specify item creator (optional four-character code)]' \
+      '-C[Specify item type (optional four-character code)]' \
+      '-d[Specify security domain string (optional)]' \
+      '-D[Specify kind (default is "Internet password")]' \
+      '-j[Specify comment string (optional)]' \
+      '-l[Specify label (if omitted, server name is used as default label)]' \
+      '-p[Specify path string (optional)]' \
+      '-P[Specify port number (optional)]' \
+      '-r[Specify protocol (optional four-character SecProtocolType, e.g. "http", "ftp ")]' \
+      '-s[Specify server name (required)]' \
+      '-t[Specify authentication type (as a four-character SecAuthenticationType, default is "dflt")]' \
+      '-w[Specify password to be added]' \
+      '-A[Allow any application to access this item without warning (insecure, not recommended!)]' \
+      '-T[Specify an application which may access this item (multiple -T options are allowed)]' \
+      '-U[Update item if it already exists (if omitted, the item cannot already exist) ]' \
+      'utils)]' ;;
+esac
diff --git a/plugins/osx/music b/plugins/osx/music
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..50566797b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/plugins/osx/music
@@ -0,0 +1,170 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env zsh
+
+function music itunes() {
+  local APP_NAME=Music sw_vers=$(sw_vers -productVersion 2>/dev/null)
+
+  autoload is-at-least
+  if [[ -z "$sw_vers" ]] || is-at-least 10.15 $sw_vers; then
+    if [[ $0 = itunes ]]; then
+      echo >&2 The itunes function name is deprecated. Use \'music\' instead.
+      return 1
+    fi
+  else
+    APP_NAME=iTunes
+  fi
+
+  local opt=$1 playlist=$2
+  (( $# > 0 )) && shift
+  case "$opt" in
+    launch|play|pause|stop|rewind|resume|quit)
+      ;;
+    mute)
+      opt="set mute to true"
+      ;;
+    unmute)
+      opt="set mute to false"
+      ;;
+    next|previous)
+      opt="$opt track"
+      ;;
+    vol)
+      local new_volume volume=$(osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to get sound volume")
+      if [[ $# -eq 0 ]]; then
+        echo "Current volume is ${volume}."
+        return 0
+      fi
+      case $1 in
+        up) new_volume=$((volume + 10 < 100 ? volume + 10 : 100)) ;;
+        down) new_volume=$((volume - 10 > 0 ? volume - 10 : 0)) ;;
+        <0-100>) new_volume=$1 ;;
+        *) echo "'$1' is not valid. Expected <0-100>, up or down."
+           return 1 ;;
+      esac
+      opt="set sound volume to ${new_volume}"
+      ;;
+    playlist)
+      # Inspired by: https://gist.github.com/nakajijapan/ac8b45371064ae98ea7f
+      if [[ -n "$playlist" ]]; then
+        osascript 2>/dev/null <<EOF
+          tell application "$APP_NAME"
+            set new_playlist to "$playlist" as string
+            play playlist new_playlist
+          end tell
+EOF
+        if [[ $? -eq 0 ]]; then
+          opt="play"
+        else
+          opt="stop"
+        fi
+      else
+        opt="set allPlaylists to (get name of every playlist)"
+      fi
+      ;;
+    playing|status)
+      local currenttrack currentartist state=$(osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to player state as string")
+      if [[ "$state" = "playing" ]]; then
+        currenttrack=$(osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to name of current track as string")
+        currentartist=$(osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to artist of current track as string")
+        echo -E "Listening to ${fg[yellow]}${currenttrack}${reset_color} by ${fg[yellow]}${currentartist}${reset_color}"
+      else
+        echo "$APP_NAME is $state"
+      fi
+      return 0
+      ;;
+    shuf|shuff|shuffle)
+      # The shuffle property of current playlist can't be changed in iTunes 12,
+      # so this workaround uses AppleScript to simulate user input instead.
+      # Defaults to toggling when no options are given.
+      # The toggle option depends on the shuffle button being visible in the Now playing area.
+      # On and off use the menu bar items.
+      local state=$1
+
+      if [[ -n "$state" && "$state" != (on|off|toggle) ]]; then
+        print "Usage: $0 shuffle [on|off|toggle]. Invalid option."
+        return 1
+      fi
+
+      case "$state" in
+        on|off)
+          # Inspired by: https://stackoverflow.com/a/14675583
+          osascript >/dev/null 2>&1 <<EOF
+            tell application "System Events" to perform action "AXPress" of (menu item "${state}" of menu "Shuffle" of menu item "Shuffle" of menu "Controls" of menu bar item "Controls" of menu bar 1 of application process "iTunes" )
+EOF
+          return 0
+          ;;
+        toggle|*)
+          osascript >/dev/null 2>&1 <<EOF
+            tell application "System Events" to perform action "AXPress" of (button 2 of process "iTunes"'s window "iTunes"'s scroll area 1)
+EOF
+          return 0
+          ;;
+      esac
+      ;;
+    ""|-h|--help)
+      echo "Usage: $0 <option>"
+      echo "option:"
+      echo "\t-h|--help\tShow this message and exit"
+      echo "\tlaunch|play|pause|stop|rewind|resume|quit"
+      echo "\tmute|unmute\tMute or unmute $APP_NAME"
+      echo "\tnext|previous\tPlay next or previous track"
+      echo "\tshuf|shuffle [on|off|toggle]\tSet shuffled playback. Default: toggle. Note: toggle doesn't support the MiniPlayer."
+      echo "\tvol [0-100|up|down]\tGet or set the volume. 0 to 100 sets the volume. 'up' / 'down' increases / decreases by 10 points. No argument displays current volume."
+      echo "\tplaying|status\tShow what song is currently playing in Music."
+      echo "\tplaylist [playlist name]\t Play specific playlist"
+      return 0
+      ;;
+    *)
+      print "Unknown option: $opt"
+      return 1
+      ;;
+  esac
+  osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to $opt"
+}
+
+function _music() {
+  local app_name
+  case "$words[1]" in
+    itunes) app_name="iTunes" ;;
+    music|*) app_name="Music" ;;
+  esac
+
+  local -a cmds subcmds
+  cmds=(
+    "launch:Launch the ${app_name} app"
+    "play:Play ${app_name}"
+    "pause:Pause ${app_name}"
+    "stop:Stop ${app_name}"
+    "rewind:Rewind ${app_name}"
+    "resume:Resume ${app_name}"
+    "quit:Quit ${app_name}"
+    "mute:Mute the ${app_name} app"
+    "unmute:Unmute the ${app_name} app"
+    "next:Skip to the next song"
+    "previous:Skip to the previous song"
+    "vol:Change the volume"
+    "playlist:Play a specific playlist"
+    {playing,status}":Show what song is currently playing"
+    {shuf,shuff,shuffle}":Set shuffle mode"
+    {-h,--help}":Show usage"
+  )
+
+  if (( CURRENT == 2 )); then
+    _describe 'command' cmds
+  elif (( CURRENT == 3 )); then
+    case "$words[2]" in
+      vol) subcmds=( 'up:Raise the volume' 'down:Lower the volume' )
+        _describe 'command' subcmds ;;
+      shuf|shuff|shuffle) subcmds=('on:Switch on shuffle mode' 'off:Switch off shuffle mode' 'toggle:Toggle shuffle mode (default)')
+        _describe 'command' subcmds ;;
+    esac
+  elif (( CURRENT == 4 )); then
+    case "$words[2]" in
+      playlist) subcmds=('play:Play the playlist (default)' 'stop:Stop the playlist')
+        _describe 'command' subcmds ;;
+    esac
+  fi
+
+  return 0
+}
+
+compdef _music music itunes
diff --git a/plugins/osx/osx.plugin.zsh b/plugins/osx/osx.plugin.zsh
index 03e9c1c8c..7842e9f73 100644
--- a/plugins/osx/osx.plugin.zsh
+++ b/plugins/osx/osx.plugin.zsh
@@ -1,15 +1,22 @@
 # Open the current directory in a Finder window
 alias ofd='open_command $PWD'
 
+# Show/hide hidden files in the Finder
+alias showfiles="defaults write com.apple.finder AppleShowAllFiles -bool true && killall Finder"
+alias hidefiles="defaults write com.apple.finder AppleShowAllFiles -bool false && killall Finder"
+
+# Bluetooth restart
+function btrestart() {
+  sudo kextunload -b com.apple.iokit.BroadcomBluetoothHostControllerUSBTransport
+  sudo kextload -b com.apple.iokit.BroadcomBluetoothHostControllerUSBTransport
+}
+
 function _omz_osx_get_frontmost_app() {
-  local the_app=$(
-    osascript 2>/dev/null <<EOF
-      tell application "System Events"
-        name of first item of (every process whose frontmost is true)
-      end tell
+  osascript 2>/dev/null <<EOF
+    tell application "System Events"
+      name of first item of (every process whose frontmost is true)
+    end tell
 EOF
-  )
-  echo "$the_app"
 }
 
 function tab() {
@@ -27,7 +34,6 @@ function tab() {
       end tell
       tell application "Terminal" to do script "${command}" in front window
 EOF
-
   elif [[ "$the_app" == 'iTerm' ]]; then
     osascript <<EOF
       tell application "iTerm"
@@ -41,32 +47,29 @@ EOF
         end tell
       end tell
 EOF
-
   elif [[ "$the_app" == 'iTerm2' ]]; then
-      osascript <<EOF
-        tell application "iTerm2"
-          tell current window
-            create tab with default profile
-            tell current session to write text "${command}"
-          end tell
+    osascript <<EOF
+      tell application "iTerm2"
+        tell current window
+          create tab with default profile
+          tell current session to write text "${command}"
         end tell
+      end tell
 EOF
   elif [[ "$the_app" == 'Hyper' ]]; then
     osascript >/dev/null <<EOF
-          tell application "System Events"
-            tell process "Hyper" to keystroke "t" using command down
-          end tell
-          delay 1
-          tell application "System Events"
-              keystroke "${command}"
-              key code 36  #(presses enter)
-            end tell
+      tell application "System Events"
+        tell process "Hyper" to keystroke "t" using command down
+      end tell
+      delay 1
+      tell application "System Events"
+        keystroke "${command}"
+        key code 36  #(presses enter)
+      end tell
 EOF
-
   else
-    echo "tab: unsupported terminal app: $the_app"
-    false
-
+    echo "$0: unsupported terminal app: $the_app" >&2
+    return 1
   fi
 }
 
@@ -79,7 +82,6 @@ function vsplit_tab() {
   if [[ "$the_app" == 'iTerm' ]]; then
     osascript <<EOF
       -- tell application "iTerm" to activate
-
       tell application "System Events"
         tell process "iTerm"
           tell menu item "Split Vertically With Current Profile" of menu "Shell" of menu bar item "Shell" of menu bar 1
@@ -89,37 +91,33 @@ function vsplit_tab() {
         keystroke "${command} \n"
       end tell
 EOF
-
   elif [[ "$the_app" == 'iTerm2' ]]; then
-      osascript <<EOF
-        tell application "iTerm2"
-          tell current session of first window
-            set newSession to (split vertically with same profile)
-            tell newSession
-              write text "${command}"
-              select
-            end tell
+    osascript <<EOF
+      tell application "iTerm2"
+        tell current session of first window
+          set newSession to (split vertically with same profile)
+          tell newSession
+            write text "${command}"
+            select
           end tell
         end tell
+      end tell
 EOF
-  
   elif [[ "$the_app" == 'Hyper' ]]; then
-      osascript >/dev/null <<EOF
-      tell application "System Events"
-        tell process "Hyper"
-          tell menu item "Split Vertically" of menu "Shell" of menu bar 1
-            click
-          end tell
+    osascript >/dev/null <<EOF
+    tell application "System Events"
+      tell process "Hyper"
+        tell menu item "Split Vertically" of menu "Shell" of menu bar 1
+          click
         end tell
-        delay 1
-        keystroke "${command} \n"
       end tell
+      delay 1
+      keystroke "${command} \n"
+    end tell
 EOF
-
   else
     echo "$0: unsupported terminal app: $the_app" >&2
-    false
-
+    return 1
   fi
 }
 
@@ -142,44 +140,40 @@ function split_tab() {
         keystroke "${command} \n"
       end tell
 EOF
-
   elif [[ "$the_app" == 'iTerm2' ]]; then
-      osascript <<EOF
-        tell application "iTerm2"
-          tell current session of first window
-            set newSession to (split horizontally with same profile)
-            tell newSession
-              write text "${command}"
-              select
-            end tell
+    osascript <<EOF
+      tell application "iTerm2"
+        tell current session of first window
+          set newSession to (split horizontally with same profile)
+          tell newSession
+            write text "${command}"
+            select
           end tell
         end tell
+      end tell
 EOF
-
   elif [[ "$the_app" == 'Hyper' ]]; then
-      osascript >/dev/null <<EOF
-      tell application "System Events"
-        tell process "Hyper"
-          tell menu item "Split Horizontally" of menu "Shell" of menu bar 1
-            click
-          end tell
+    osascript >/dev/null <<EOF
+    tell application "System Events"
+      tell process "Hyper"
+        tell menu item "Split Horizontally" of menu "Shell" of menu bar 1
+          click
         end tell
-        delay 1
-        keystroke "${command} \n"
       end tell
+      delay 1
+      keystroke "${command} \n"
+    end tell
 EOF
-
   else
     echo "$0: unsupported terminal app: $the_app" >&2
-    false
-
+    return 1
   fi
 }
 
 function pfd() {
   osascript 2>/dev/null <<EOF
     tell application "Finder"
-      return POSIX path of (target of window 1 as alias)
+      return POSIX path of (insertion location as alias)
     end tell
 EOF
 }
@@ -205,6 +199,21 @@ function pushdf() {
   pushd "$(pfd)"
 }
 
+function pxd() {
+  dirname $(osascript 2>/dev/null <<EOF
+    if application "Xcode" is running then
+      tell application "Xcode"
+        return path of active workspace document
+      end tell
+    end if
+EOF
+)
+}
+
+function cdx() {
+  cd "$(pxd)"
+}
+
 function quick-look() {
   (( $# > 0 )) && qlmanage -p $* &>/dev/null &
 }
@@ -218,133 +227,13 @@ function vncviewer() {
   open vnc://$@
 }
 
-# iTunes control function
-function itunes music() {
-	local APP_NAME=Music
-
-	autoload is-at-least
-	if is-at-least 10.15 $(sw_vers -productVersion); then
-		if [[ $0 = itunes ]]; then
-			echo >&2 The itunes function name is deprecated. Use \`music\' instead.
-			return 1
-		fi
-	else
-		APP_NAME=iTunes
-	fi
-
-	local opt=$1
-	local playlist=$2
-	shift
-	case "$opt" in
-		launch|play|pause|stop|rewind|resume|quit)
-			;;
-		mute)
-			opt="set mute to true"
-			;;
-		unmute)
-			opt="set mute to false"
-			;;
-		next|previous)
-			opt="$opt track"
-			;;
-		vol)
-			local new_volume volume=$(osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to get sound volume")
-			if [[ $# -eq 0 ]]; then
-				echo "Current volume is ${volume}."
-				return 0
-			fi
-			case $1 in
-				up) new_volume=$((volume + 10 < 100 ? volume + 10 : 100)) ;;
-				down) new_volume=$((volume - 10 > 0 ? volume - 10 : 0)) ;;
-				<0-100>) new_volume=$1 ;;
-				*) echo "'$1' is not valid. Expected <0-100>, up or down."
-				   return 1 ;;
-			esac
-			opt="set sound volume to ${new_volume}"
-			;;
-		playlist)
-			# Inspired by: https://gist.github.com/nakajijapan/ac8b45371064ae98ea7f
-			if [[ ! -z "$playlist" ]]; then
-				osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\"" -e "set new_playlist to \"$playlist\" as string" -e "play playlist new_playlist" -e "end tell" 2>/dev/null;
-				if [[ $? -eq 0 ]]; then
-					opt="play"
-				else
-					opt="stop"
-				fi
-			else
-				opt="set allPlaylists to (get name of every playlist)"
-			fi
-			;;
-		playing|status)
-			local state=`osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to player state as string"`
-			if [[ "$state" = "playing" ]]; then
-				currenttrack=`osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to name of current track as string"`
-				currentartist=`osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to artist of current track as string"`
-				echo -E "Listening to $fg[yellow]$currenttrack$reset_color by $fg[yellow]$currentartist$reset_color";
-			else
-				echo "$APP_NAME is" $state;
-			fi
-			return 0
-			;;
-		shuf|shuff|shuffle)
-			# The shuffle property of current playlist can't be changed in iTunes 12,
-			# so this workaround uses AppleScript to simulate user input instead.
-			# Defaults to toggling when no options are given.
-			# The toggle option depends on the shuffle button being visible in the Now playing area.
-			# On and off use the menu bar items.
-			local state=$1
-
-			if [[ -n "$state" && ! "$state" =~ "^(on|off|toggle)$" ]]
-			then
-				print "Usage: $0 shuffle [on|off|toggle]. Invalid option."
-				return 1
-			fi
-
-			case "$state" in
-				on|off)
-					# Inspired by: https://stackoverflow.com/a/14675583
-					osascript 1>/dev/null 2>&1 <<-EOF
-					tell application "System Events" to perform action "AXPress" of (menu item "${state}" of menu "Shuffle" of menu item "Shuffle" of menu "Controls" of menu bar item "Controls" of menu bar 1 of application process "iTunes" )
-EOF
-					return 0
-					;;
-				toggle|*)
-					osascript 1>/dev/null 2>&1 <<-EOF
-					tell application "System Events" to perform action "AXPress" of (button 2 of process "iTunes"'s window "iTunes"'s scroll area 1)
-EOF
-					return 0
-					;;
-			esac
-			;;
-		""|-h|--help)
-			echo "Usage: $0 <option>"
-			echo "option:"
-			echo "\tlaunch|play|pause|stop|rewind|resume|quit"
-			echo "\tmute|unmute\tcontrol volume set"
-			echo "\tnext|previous\tplay next or previous track"
-			echo "\tshuf|shuffle [on|off|toggle]\tSet shuffled playback. Default: toggle. Note: toggle doesn't support the MiniPlayer."
-			echo "\tvol [0-100|up|down]\tGet or set the volume. 0 to 100 sets the volume. 'up' / 'down' increases / decreases by 10 points. No argument displays current volume."
-			echo "\tplaying|status\tShow what song is currently playing in Music."
-			echo "\tplaylist [playlist name]\t Play specific playlist"
-			echo "\thelp\tshow this message and exit"
-			return 0
-			;;
-		*)
-			print "Unknown option: $opt"
-			return 1
-			;;
-	esac
-	osascript -e "tell application \"$APP_NAME\" to $opt"
-}
-
-# Spotify control function
-source ${ZSH}/plugins/osx/spotify
-
-# Show/hide hidden files in the Finder
-alias showfiles="defaults write com.apple.finder AppleShowAllFiles -bool true && killall Finder"
-alias hidefiles="defaults write com.apple.finder AppleShowAllFiles -bool false && killall Finder"
-
 # Remove .DS_Store files recursively in a directory, default .
 function rmdsstore() {
-	find "${@:-.}" -type f -name .DS_Store -delete
+  find "${@:-.}" -type f -name .DS_Store -delete
 }
+
+# Music / iTunes control function
+source "${0:h:A}/music"
+
+# Spotify control function
+source "${0:h:A}/spotify"
diff --git a/plugins/wd/README.md b/plugins/wd/README.md
index 91d5d0ae7..a454a6c1e 100644
--- a/plugins/wd/README.md
+++ b/plugins/wd/README.md
@@ -1,5 +1,4 @@
-wd
-==
+# wd
 
 [![Build Status](https://travis-ci.org/mfaerevaag/wd.png?branch=master)](https://travis-ci.org/mfaerevaag/wd)
 
@@ -9,150 +8,232 @@ wd
 
 *NEWS*: If you are not using zsh, check out the c-port, [wd-c](https://github.com/mfaerevaag/wd-c), which works with all shells using wrapper functions.
 
-### Setup
+## Setup
 
 ### oh-my-zsh
 
-`wd` comes bundled with [oh-my-zshell](https://github.com/ohmyzsh/ohmyzsh)!
+`wd` comes bundled with [oh-my-zsh](https://github.com/ohmyzsh/ohmyzsh)!
 
 Just add the plugin in your `~/.zshrc` file:
 
-    plugins=(... wd)
+```zsh
+plugins=(... wd)
+```
 
+### [Antigen](https://github.com/zsh-users/antigen)
 
-#### Automatic
+In your `.zshrc`:
 
-Run either in terminal:
+```zsh
+antigen bundle mfaerevaag/wd
+```
+
+### [Antibody](https://github.com/getantibody/antibody)
+
+In your `.zshrc`:
+
+```zsh
+antibody bundle mfaerevaag/wd
+```
 
- * `curl -L https://github.com/mfaerevaag/wd/raw/master/install.sh | sh`
+### Arch ([AUR](https://aur.archlinux.org/packages/zsh-plugin-wd-git/))
 
- * `wget --no-check-certificate https://github.com/mfaerevaag/wd/raw/master/install.sh -O - | sh`
+```zsh
+yay -S zsh-plugin-wd-git
+# or use any other AUR helper
+```
 
-##### Arch ([AUR](https://aur.archlinux.org/))
+### [zplug](https://github.com/zplug/zplug)
 
-    # yaourt -S zsh-plugin-wd-git
+```zsh
+zplug "mfaerevaag/wd", as:command, use:"wd.sh", hook-load:"wd() { . $ZPLUG_REPOS/mfaerevaag/wd/wd.sh }"
+```
+
+### Automatic
+
+Run either in terminal:
 
+```zsh
+curl -L https://github.com/mfaerevaag/wd/raw/master/install.sh | sh
+```
 
-#### Manual
+or
 
- * Clone this repo to your liking
+```zsh
+wget --no-check-certificate https://github.com/mfaerevaag/wd/raw/master/install.sh -O - | sh
+```
 
- * Add `wd` function to `.zshrc` (or `.profile` etc.):
+### Manual
 
-        wd() {
-            . ~/path/to/cloned/repo/wd/wd.sh
-        }
+* Clone this repo to your liking
 
- * Install manpage. From `wd`'s base directory (requires root permissions):
+* Add `wd` function to `.zshrc` (or `.profile` etc.):
 
-        # cp wd.1 /usr/share/man/man1/wd.1
-        # chmod 644 /usr/share/man/man1/wd.1
+  ```zsh
+  wd() {
+      . ~/path/to/cloned/repo/wd/wd.sh
+  }
+  ```
 
-    Note, when pulling and updating `wd`, you'll need to do this again in case of changes to the manpage.
+* Install manpage. From `wd`'s base directory (requires root permissions):
 
+  ```zsh
+  cp wd.1 /usr/share/man/man1/wd.1
+  chmod 644 /usr/share/man/man1/wd.1
+  ```
 
-#### Completion
+  **Note:** when pulling and updating `wd`, you'll need to do this again in case of changes to the manpage.
 
-If you're NOT using [oh-my-zsh](https://github.com/ohmyzsh/ohmyzsh) and you want to utilize the zsh-completion feature, you will also need to add the path to your `wd` installation (`~/bin/wd` if you used the automatic installer) to your `fpath`. E.g. in your `~/.zshrc`:
+## Completion
 
-    fpath=(~/path/to/wd $fpath)
+If you're NOT using [oh-my-zsh](https://github.com/robbyrussell/oh-my-zsh) and you want to utilize the zsh-completion feature, you will also need to add the path to your `wd` installation (`~/bin/wd` if you used the automatic installer) to your `fpath`. E.g. in your `~/.zshrc`:
+
+```zsh
+fpath=(~/path/to/wd $fpath)
+```
 
 Also, you may have to force a rebuild of `zcompdump` by running:
 
-    $ rm -f ~/.zcompdump; compinit
+```zsh
+rm -f ~/.zcompdump; compinit
+```
 
+## Usage
 
+* Add warp point to current working directory:
 
-### Usage
+  ```zsh
+  wd add foo
+  ```
 
- * Add warp point to current working directory:
+  If a warp point with the same name exists, use `wd add! foo` to overwrite it.
 
-        $ wd add foo
+  **Note:** a warp point cannot contain colons, or consist of only spaces and dots. The first will conflict in how `wd` stores the warp points, and the second will conflict with other features, as below.
 
-    If a warp point with the same name exists, use `add!` to overwrite it.
+  You can omit point name to automatically use the current directory's name instead.
 
-    Note, a warp point cannot contain colons, or only consist of only spaces and dots. The first will conflict in how `wd` stores the warp points, and the second will conflict with other features, as below.
+* From any directory, warp to `foo` with:
 
-    You can omit point name to use the current directory's name instead.
+  ```zsh
+  wd foo
+  ```
 
- * From an other directory (not necessarily), warp to `foo` with:
+* You can also warp to a directory within foo, with autocompletion:
 
-        $ wd foo
+  ```zsh
+  wd foo some/inner/path
+  ```
 
- * You can warp back to previous directory, and so on, with this dot syntax:
+* You can warp back to previous directory and higher, with this dot syntax:
 
-        $ wd ..
-        $ wd ...
+  ```zsh
+  wd ..
+  wd ...
+  ```
 
-    This is a wrapper for the zsh `dirs` function.
-    (You might need `setopt AUTO_PUSHD` in your `.zshrc` if you hare not using [oh-my-zshell](https://github.com/ohmyzsh/ohmyzsh)).
+  This is a wrapper for the zsh's `dirs` function.  
+  _You might need to add `setopt AUTO_PUSHD` to your `.zshrc` if you are not using [oh-my-zsh](https://github.com/ohmyzsh/ohmyzsh))._
 
- * Remove warp point test point:
+* Remove warp point:
 
-        $ wd rm foo
+  ```zsh
+  wd rm foo
+  ```
 
-    You can omit point name to use the current directory's name instead.
+  You can omit point name to use the current directory's name instead.
 
- * List all warp points (stored in `~/.warprc`):
+* List all warp points (stored in `~/.warprc`):
 
-        $ wd list
+  ```zsh
+  wd list
+  ```
 
- * List files in given warp point:
+* List files in given warp point:
 
-        $ wd ls foo
+  ```zsh
+  wd ls foo
+  ```
 
- * Show path of given warp point:
+* Show path of given warp point:
 
-        $ wd path foo
+  ```zsh
+  wd path foo
+  ```
 
- * List warp points to current directory, or optionally, path to given warp point:
+* List warp points to current directory, or optionally, path to given warp point:
 
-        $ wd show
+  ```zsh
+  wd show
+  ```
 
- * Remove warp points to non-existent directories.
+* Remove warp points to non-existent directories.
 
-        $ wd clean
+  ```zsh
+  wd clean
+  ```
 
-    Use `clean!` to not be prompted with confirmation (force).
+  Use `wd clean!` to not be prompted with confirmation (force).
 
- * Print usage with no opts or the `help` argument:
+* Print usage info:
 
-        $ wd help
+  ```zsh
+  wd help
+  ```
 
- * Print the running version of `wd`:
+  The usage will be printed also if you call `wd` with no command
 
-        $ wd --version
+* Print the running version of `wd`:
 
- * Specifically set the config file (default `~/.warprc`), which is useful when testing:
+  ```zsh
+  wd --version
+  ```
 
-        $ wd --config ./file <action>
+* Specifically set the config file (default being `~/.warprc`), which is useful for testing:
 
- * Force `exit` with return code after running. This is not default, as it will *exit your terminal*, though required when testing/debugging.
+  ```zsh
+  wd --config ./file <command>
+  ```
 
-        $ wd --debug <action>
+* Force `exit` with return code after running. This is not default, as it will *exit your terminal*, though required for testing/debugging.
 
- * Silence all output:
+  ```zsh
+  wd --debug <command>
+  ```
 
-        $ wd --quiet <action>
+* Silence all output:
 
+  ```zsh
+  wd --quiet <command>
+  ```
 
-### Testing
+## Configuration
 
-`wd` comes with a small test suite, run with [shunit2](https://code.google.com/p/shunit2/). This can be used to confirm that things are working as it should on your setup, or to demonstrate an issue.
+You can configure `wd` with the following environment variables:
 
-To run, simply `cd` into the `test` directory and run the `tests.sh`.
+### `WD_CONFIG`
+
+Defines the path where warp points get stored. Defaults to `$HOME/.warprc`.
 
-    $ ./tests.sh
+## Testing
+
+`wd` comes with a small test suite, run with [shunit2](https://code.google.com/p/shunit2/). This can be used to confirm that things are working as they should on your setup, or to demonstrate an issue.
+
+To run, simply `cd` into the `test` directory and run the `tests.sh`.
 
+```zsh
+cd ./test
+./tests.sh
+```
 
-### License
+## License
 
-The project is licensed under the [MIT-license](https://github.com/mfaerevaag/wd/blob/master/LICENSE).
+The project is licensed under the [MIT license](https://github.com/mfaerevaag/wd/blob/master/LICENSE).
 
+## Contributing
 
-### Finally
+If you have issues, feedback or improvements, don't hesitate to report it or submit a pull request. In the case of an issue, we would much appreciate if you would include a failing test in `test/tests.sh`. For an explanation on how to run the tests, read the section "Testing" in this README.
 
-If you have issues, feedback or improvements, don't hesitate to report it or submit a pull-request. In the case of an issue, we would much appreciate if you would include a failing test in `test/tests.sh`. For an explanation on how to run the tests, read the section "Testing" in this README.
+----
 
 Credit to [altschuler](https://github.com/altschuler) for an awesome idea.
 
diff --git a/plugins/wd/_wd.sh b/plugins/wd/_wd.sh
index 4354a71f4..8d5cf15a2 100644
--- a/plugins/wd/_wd.sh
+++ b/plugins/wd/_wd.sh
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 #compdef wd
 
-zstyle ':completion:*:descriptions' format '%B%d%b'
+zstyle ':completion::complete:wd:*:descriptions' format '%B%d%b'
 zstyle ':completion::complete:wd:*:commands' group-name commands
 zstyle ':completion::complete:wd:*:warp_points' group-name warp_points
 zstyle ':completion::complete:wd::' list-grouped
@@ -8,13 +8,13 @@ zstyle ':completion::complete:wd::' list-grouped
 zmodload zsh/mapfile
 
 function _wd() {
-  local CONFIG=$HOME/.warprc
+  local WD_CONFIG=${WD_CONFIG:-$HOME/.warprc}
   local ret=1
 
   local -a commands
   local -a warp_points
 
-  warp_points=( "${(f)mapfile[$CONFIG]//$HOME/~}" )
+  warp_points=( "${(f)mapfile[$WD_CONFIG]//$HOME/~}" )
 
   typeset -A points
   while read -r line
@@ -27,11 +27,12 @@ function _wd() {
     target_path=${target_path/#\~/$HOME}
 
     points[$name]=$target_path
-  done < $CONFIG
+  done < $WD_CONFIG
 
   commands=(
     'add:Adds the current working directory to your warp points'
     'add!:Overwrites existing warp point'
+    'export:Export warp points as static named directories'
     'rm:Removes the given warp point'
     'list:Outputs all stored warp points'
     'ls:Show files from given warp point'
@@ -72,8 +73,12 @@ function _wd() {
           _describe -t points "Warp points" warp_points && ret=0
           ;;
         *)
-          # complete sub directories from the warp point
-          _path_files -W "(${points[$target]})" -/ && ret=0
+          if [[ -v points[$target] ]]; then
+            # complete sub directories from the warp point
+            _path_files -W "(${points[$target]})" -/ && ret=0
+          fi
+          
+          # don't complete anything if warp point is not valid
           ;;
       esac
       ;;
diff --git a/plugins/wd/wd.plugin.zsh b/plugins/wd/wd.plugin.zsh
index 4b7cd3c19..87d1d0858 100644
--- a/plugins/wd/wd.plugin.zsh
+++ b/plugins/wd/wd.plugin.zsh
@@ -1,6 +1,9 @@
+#!/bin/zsh
+
 # WARP DIRECTORY
 # ==============
-# oh-my-zsh plugin
+# Jump to custom directories in terminal
+# because `cd` takes too long...
 #
 # @github.com/mfaerevaag/wd
 
diff --git a/plugins/wd/wd.sh b/plugins/wd/wd.sh
index 3d68583f1..802ed10ee 100644
--- a/plugins/wd/wd.sh
+++ b/plugins/wd/wd.sh
@@ -36,11 +36,11 @@ wd_yesorno()
         read -r answer
 
         case ${answer:=${default}} in
-            Y|y|YES|yes|Yes )
+            "Y"|"y"|"YES"|"yes"|"Yes" )
                 RETVAL=${yes_RETVAL} && \
                     break
                 ;;
-            N|n|NO|no|No )
+            "N"|"n"|"NO"|"no"|"No" )
                 RETVAL=${no_RETVAL} && \
                     break
                 ;;
@@ -75,6 +75,8 @@ wd_print_usage()
 Usage: wd [command] [point]
 
 Commands:
+    <point>         Warps to the directory specified by the warp point
+    <point> <path>  Warps to the directory specified by the warp point with path appended
     add <point>     Adds the current working directory to your warp points
     add             Adds the current working directory to your warp points with current directory's name
     add! <point>    Overwrites existing warp point
@@ -182,6 +184,8 @@ wd_add()
         wd_remove $point > /dev/null
         printf "%q:%s\n" "${point}" "${PWD/#$HOME/~}" >> $WD_CONFIG
 
+        wd_export_static_named_directories
+
         wd_print_msg $WD_GREEN "Warp point added"
 
         # override exit code in case wd_remove did not remove any points
@@ -203,8 +207,9 @@ wd_remove()
 
     if [[ ${points[$point]} != "" ]]
     then
-        local config_tmp=$WD_CONFIG.tmp
-        if sed -n "/^${point}:.*$/!p" $WD_CONFIG > $config_tmp && mv $config_tmp $WD_CONFIG
+        local config_tmp=$(mktemp "${TMPDIR:-/tmp}/wd.XXXXXXXXXX")
+        # Copy and delete in two steps in order to preserve symlinks
+        if sed -n "/^${point}:.*$/!p" $WD_CONFIG > $config_tmp && cp $config_tmp $WD_CONFIG && rm $config_tmp
         then
             wd_print_msg $WD_GREEN "Warp point removed"
         else
@@ -334,7 +339,16 @@ wd_clean() {
     fi
 }
 
-local WD_CONFIG=$HOME/.warprc
+wd_export_static_named_directories() {
+  if [[ -z $WD_SKIP_EXPORT ]]
+  then
+    grep '^[0-9a-zA-Z_-]\+:' "$WD_CONFIG" | sed -e "s,~,$HOME," -e 's/:/=/' | while read warpdir ; do
+	    hash -d "$warpdir"
+    done
+  fi
+}
+
+local WD_CONFIG=${WD_CONFIG:-$HOME/.warprc}
 local WD_QUIET=0
 local WD_EXIT_CODE=0
 local WD_DEBUG=0
@@ -364,6 +378,8 @@ if [ ! -e $WD_CONFIG ]
 then
     # if not, create config file
     touch $WD_CONFIG
+else
+    wd_export_static_named_directories
 fi
 
 # load warp points
@@ -396,52 +412,57 @@ then
 else
 
     # parse rest of options
-    for o
+    local wd_o
+    for wd_o
     do
-        case "$o"
+        case "$wd_o"
             in
-            -a|--add|add)
+            "-a"|"--add"|"add")
                 wd_add false $2
                 break
                 ;;
-            -a!|--add!|add!)
+            "-a!"|"--add!"|"add!")
                 wd_add true $2
                 break
                 ;;
-            -r|--remove|rm)
+            "-e"|"export")
+                wd_export_static_named_directories
+                break
+                ;;
+            "-r"|"--remove"|"rm")
                 wd_remove $2
                 break
                 ;;
-            -l|list)
+            "-l"|"list")
                 wd_list_all
                 break
                 ;;
-            -ls|ls)
+            "-ls"|"ls")
                 wd_ls $2
                 break
                 ;;
-            -p|--path|path)
+            "-p"|"--path"|"path")
                 wd_path $2
                 break
                 ;;
-            -h|--help|help)
+            "-h"|"--help"|"help")
                 wd_print_usage
                 break
                 ;;
-            -s|--show|show)
+            "-s"|"--show"|"show")
                 wd_show $2
                 break
                 ;;
-            -c|--clean|clean)
+            "-c"|"--clean"|"clean")
                 wd_clean false
                 break
                 ;;
-            -c!|--clean!|clean!)
+            "-c!"|"--clean!"|"clean!")
                 wd_clean true
                 break
                 ;;
             *)
-                wd_warp $o $2
+                wd_warp $wd_o $2
                 break
                 ;;
             --)
@@ -466,6 +487,8 @@ unset wd_print_usage
 unset wd_alt_config
 unset wd_quiet_mode
 unset wd_print_version
+unset wd_export_static_named_directories
+unset wd_o
 
 unset args
 unset points
diff --git a/plugins/web-search/README.md b/plugins/web-search/README.md
index 9c01f0724..da90f90a0 100644
--- a/plugins/web-search/README.md
+++ b/plugins/web-search/README.md
@@ -40,6 +40,8 @@ Available search contexts are:
 | `givero`              | `https://www.givero.com/search?q=`       |
 | `stackoverflow`       | `https://stackoverflow.com/search?q=`    |
 | `wolframalpha`        | `https://wolframalpha.com/input?i=`      |
+| `archive`             | `https://web.archive.org/web/*/`         |
+| `scholar`             | `https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=`  |
 
 Also there are aliases for bang-searching DuckDuckGo:
 
@@ -51,3 +53,27 @@ Also there are aliases for bang-searching DuckDuckGo:
 | `map`     | `!m`  |
 | `image`   | `!i`  |
 | `ducky`   | `!`   |
+
+### Custom search engines
+
+If you want to add other search contexts to the plugin, you can use the
+`$ZSH_WEB_SEARCH_ENGINES` variable. Set it before Oh My Zsh is sourced,
+with the following format:
+
+```zsh
+ZSH_WEB_SEARCH_ENGINES=(
+    <context> <URL>
+    <context> <URL>
+)
+```
+
+where `<context>` is the name of the search context, and `<URL>` a URL of
+the same type as the search contexts above. For example, to add `reddit`,
+you'd do:
+
+```zsh
+ZSH_WEB_SEARCH_ENGINES=(reddit "https://www.reddit.com/search/?q=")
+```
+
+These custom search engines will also be turned to aliases, so you can
+both do `web_search reddit <query>` or `reddit <query>`.
diff --git a/plugins/web-search/web-search.plugin.zsh b/plugins/web-search/web-search.plugin.zsh
index f975bad7a..0a2b8809e 100644
--- a/plugins/web-search/web-search.plugin.zsh
+++ b/plugins/web-search/web-search.plugin.zsh
@@ -6,6 +6,7 @@ function web_search() {
   # define search engine URLS
   typeset -A urls
   urls=(
+    $ZSH_WEB_SEARCH_ENGINES
     google      "https://www.google.com/search?q="
     bing        "https://www.bing.com/search?q="
     yahoo       "https://search.yahoo.com/search?p="
@@ -20,11 +21,13 @@ function web_search() {
     givero      "https://www.givero.com/search?q="
     stackoverflow  "https://stackoverflow.com/search?q="
     wolframalpha   "https://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i="
+    archive     "https://web.archive.org/web/*/"
+    scholar        "https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q="
   )
 
   # check whether the search engine is supported
   if [[ -z "$urls[$1]" ]]; then
-    echo "Search engine $1 not supported."
+    echo "Search engine '$1' not supported."
     return 1
   fi
 
@@ -57,6 +60,8 @@ alias qwant='web_search qwant'
 alias givero='web_search givero'
 alias stackoverflow='web_search stackoverflow'
 alias wolframalpha='web_search wolframalpha'
+alias archive='web_search archive'
+alias scholar='web_search scholar'
 
 #add your own !bang searches here
 alias wiki='web_search duckduckgo \!w'
@@ -65,3 +70,13 @@ alias youtube='web_search duckduckgo \!yt'
 alias map='web_search duckduckgo \!m'
 alias image='web_search duckduckgo \!i'
 alias ducky='web_search duckduckgo \!'
+
+# other search engine aliases
+if [[ ${#ZSH_WEB_SEARCH_ENGINES} -gt 0 ]]; then
+  typeset -A engines
+  engines=($ZSH_WEB_SEARCH_ENGINES)
+  for key in ${(k)engines}; do
+    alias "$key"="web_search $key"
+  done
+  unset engines key
+fi